What Might Have Been, What Still Could Be
by DaisyG80
Summary: GSR. Sara comes home after the case of the killer cannibals and Grissom shows up at her door. Why has he come back after so long and what does he want from her? Why is Sara wondering what might have happened between her and Greg is she had given him a chance all those years ago? Set in Season 14 but references to all previous seasons are possible.
1. Chapter 1

***A/N***

I am hitting a block on how to proceed with "Life is what happens" and I have had this scenario running through my head for a while so I decided to give it a go. I have been watching some old episodes and realized I miss the carefree, hilarious Greg from the early seasons but I love how he had developed at the same time. Anyway, hopefully you will enjoy this story as much as I enjoy writing it! As always, Happy Reading!

Chapter 1

Sara Sidle walked slowly down the hall of the Las Vegas Crime Lab, the locker room her destination. Tiredly, she rubbed a hand over the stiff muscles in the back of her neck. Hunting for the killer cannibals had made for a very stressful shift and she just wanted to get her things and go home and start her weekend. She craved the quiet solitude after being surrounded by so many people and so much noise. She stepped into the locker room and hurriedly opened her own locker, hoping the make her escape without having to get involved in a conversation. Having grabbed her jacket and purse, Sara secured her locker and turned to leave just as Greg and Morgan were walking in.

"Hey, Sara!" Greg smiled at her warmly and Sara could not help but smile back. Greg had always been able to make her smile. "We're going to go get some breakfast, you want to come?"

Sara looked at him for a moment and wondered if he would ever get up the nerve to ask Morgan on an actual date. Having seen the chemistry between the two, Sara hoped he would soon or he might just miss his chance. "Thank, but I think I need some down time at home. Put on some music and relax. Next time?"

"Of course," Greg took a closer look at her. "You doing okay?"

As always, she was touched by his concern but she really did want to get home. "I'm fine, Greg. I'll see you guys in three days," smiling she gave a brief wave and made her escape. Sara managed to make it to her car without seeing anyone else and she sank into the driver's seat with a sigh of relief. As she started the engine of her little Prius she saw Greg step out of the lab and hold the door open for Morgan to pass through. Sara watched his face as he looked down at the pretty blonde woman and remembered a time when he had looked at her in a similar way.

Sara smiled a little remembering when she had first come to Vegas and had met a young spikey haired, goofball with a penchant for outrageous flirting. Brilliant despite being only in his early twenties, Greg had been fun and lighthearted. He had been the first true friend she had had in this town. Watching him walk with Morgan toward the parking lot, Sara noted the changes in her friend. Greg had long since given up the crazy hairdos and had exchanged jeans and vintage t-shirts for suits, though he kept the sneakers. She realized with a pang that he smiled far less than he used to and she couldn't remember the last time she had heard him laugh.

Sara had been so wrapped up in her own pain and problems that she realized how little she had noticed changes in the people she cared about. Greg had always been a good looking, kind, and caring guy but more importantly he had grown into a good man. Sara watched Greg and Morgan drive out of the parking lot together and thought about what life would have been like had she given Greg the chance he had wanted so badly all those years ago. If she hadn't been so infatuated with Grissom and had instead agreed to a date with the younger man would they have fallen in love? Gotten married? Would they still be happy and enjoying life together instead of both being single and in love with people they could not have?

Shaking her head at these errant thoughts, Sara put the car in reverse and started the drive home.

….

An hour later Sara was home, dressed in shorts and a tank top, sitting with her feet up and a glass of wine in one hand and a book in the other. Every few weeks she started to feel the strain of the ugliness in the world and just needed time to herself, with little to no contact with the outside world, to regain her perspective and positive attitude. It had taken a long time to realize how necessary this down time was to her mental health but now she enjoyed this time and recognized the improvement in her disposition after taking a short break.

Sometimes she was more in the mood to watch movies but recently she had been on a reading kick. Surprisingly, Sara loved thrillers and mysteries. Most people thought she would rather read something technical or science related but she enjoyed losing herself in fictional stories. She was just beginning to relax and really get into the plot when the doorbell rang.

Her first thought was to ignore it but after a few moments the bell rang again and she decided she should take care of whatever it was now so that she could spend the rest of her weekend undisturbed. With a groan, Sara swung her legs to the floor and set her wine and book on the coffee table. Barefoot, she padded to the front door and looked through the peep hole. When she saw the man standing on the other side of the door she reeled back in shock.

Gil Grissom, he ex-husband, was the last person she had expected to see on her doorstep. She stood there so long, in shock, that he pressed the doorbell again startling her into movement. Sara reached out and turned the deadbolt, unlocking the door. Then taking a deep breath to steady herself, she opened the door and stared at Grissom, at a loss for words.

She could not help but note how good he looked. His hair was cut close to his head and he had grown his beard back. He had lost some weight and regained some muscle tone in his arms and chest. His polo shirt clung to his broad shoulders and his blank pants showed a trim waist.

He stared back at her, eyes moving over her face and down the length of her body, and she felt her face flush wondering what he saw when he looked at her. Had he missed her? Did he still find her as beautiful as he had once said he did? Had she shaved her legs that morning? She found the compulsion to look down at herself, not willing to let him see that she cared what he thought of her appearance. It sounded petty but she did not want to show him how affected she was by his sudden presence at her home. The home they had once shared.

Sara straightened her spine and lifted her chin unconsciously and crossed her arms over her chest. "Grissom." She saw him flinch at her use of his last name, reverting to addressing him as she had before they had become a couple.

"Hello, Sara." He looked as though he wanted to say more but decided against it.

"I didn't know you were back in the states." She knew she sounded abrupt and didn't care. She also had no intention of inviting him in. As far as she was concerned he did not deserve courtesy or politeness.

"I got back a few months ago," he admitted.

Despite herself, Sara felt a stabbing pain in her heart. He had been back in the U.S. for months and had not contacted her. Not that Grissom had an obligation to her any longer. Their divorce had been final for nearly a year. Their contact minimal until matters had been settled and then nonexistence since then. So what the hell was he doing here now?

"What do you want, Grissom?" Sara's jaw was starting to ache and she realized her jaw was clenched painfully. She made a conscious effort to relax, taking a deep breath. She saw an emotion which looked like hurt flash across his face but refused to be swayed.

He brought a hand up to rub the side of his face, a nervous gesture she recognized immediately. "I'm sorry to just show up here unannounced. And I understand if you don't want to see me, Sara. I was….I was just hoping….wondering if we could talk."

"I think we've said all there is to say, Grissom. I can't imagine what you think we have to talk about now," she said, shaking her head.

"Even after everything…that's happened, Sara, I still lo-," he stopped when Sara's head snapped up and she met his eyes. "I still care about you," he quickly amended, seeing the anger on her face.

"No."

He stepped back in confusion. "No?"

Sara advanced a step, "No! You don't get to do this, Grissom! You wanted a divorce and you got it. You don't get to care about me. Or if you do care about me you don't get to come here and tell me about it. I won't let you jerk me around and mess with my head. I let you get away with that for too many years and it will _never_ happen again." With that, she stepped back inside and slammed the door. Her last image of him was the shocked and hurt expression on his handsome face.

She turned the deadbolt, locking him out and collapsed against the door. Sara closed her eyes trying to regain control of her emotions but heard a sob escape. Covering her mouth, afraid he would hear her through the door, she walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch. After a few minutes of taking deep, slow, even breaths she felt more in control and she reached for her wine glass, taking a sip and then downing the rest of the red liquid.

"Son of a bitch!" Sara's vision blurred as her eyes filled with tears and she laid down on the couch, bringing her knees to her chest and hugging herself. She cried until sleep finally overtook her.

TBC….


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sara woke abruptly three hours later, at first not knowing where she was. She sat up quickly and felt the room spin. Cursing, she closed her eyes until the dizziness passed and by then realized she was on the couch. Then she remembered _why_ she was on the couch and felt anger flood through her. What could Grissom have been thinking? Showing up here after everything he had put her through? Nearly saying he still loved her. Sometimes she wondered if he had a sadistic streak that encouraged him to pour salt on open wounds.

Sara leaned back on the couch, pulling a pillow into her lap and rubbing a hand over her tired face. She had suffered more at the hands of this man, her now ex-husband, than anyone else in her life. God. At least the Miniature Killer had only wanted her dead! Grissom seemed hell bent on breaking her heart and her spirit and she did not understand why. A small voice in the back of her mind suggested she talk to him. Ask him those very questions. Another voice argued against asking questions she may not want to hear the answers to.

She had never met anyone more suited to her than Gil Grissom. All of her relationships, few though they were, had failed. Rarely had she been terribly upset after any of the break-ups but she had often wondered if there was something wrong with her. Was she too difficult to get along with? Was she not pretty enough? Not sexy enough? She was most certainly smart enough, but was she_ too_ smart? There seemed to be many possibilities and not enough real answers. Once she and Grissom had finally become involved she had thought finally she could be happy and in love and she would spend the rest of her life trying to make him as happy as he made her.

As is usually the case, reality intervened on their happiness. Sara leaving the lab and then the country. She had been prepared then for her relationship with Grissom to end but he had surprised her and come to Costa Rica. Giving up everything he knew, he took a chance on their future. Then when Catherine had needed help at the lab and Sara had been between projects it had seemed right to go back to Las Vegas and help out while Grissom was doing his research. Weeks turned into months and months into years. And this time Grissom had not come after her. Instead they talked less and less until it seemed they hardly knew each other anymore and finally he asked for a divorce.

Sara had not asked any questions. She really did not want to know if he had met another woman or had already become involved with someone else. She could not bear the thought that he did not love her anymore. She did not want confirmation that she was to blame for their failing relationship. And she certainly was not going to beg him to stay with her. If he wanted a divorce, that is what he would get. She had not spoken to him since the day he had told her it was over between them, aside from the brief conversation on that disaster of a birthday last year. Everything from then on had been done through lawyers and email. There was no explanations, no goodbyes, and no closure. Maybe that is what he had come to Vegas for; closure.

However, she did not want closure yet. Sara wanted to hang on to her anger a while longer because once she had no reason to be angry the pain would become unbearable. The hurt of their separation nearly overshadowed her memory of how happy and in love they had once been. It was difficult to remember the good times and she often found herself thinking instead about how different choices may have given her a happier life. She found her thoughts drifting again to Greg.

Greg Sanders had always been very good for her ego, constantly flirting with her and asking her out. She had been so focused on Grissom that she had paid little attention and had not taken him seriously at all. Sara worried now that she may have inadvertently hurt him just as Grissom had hurt her with thoughtless rejections but Greg had never seemed to take her refusals to heart. Instead it seemed to make him more determined to flirt outrageously with her. It was just a bonus that their flirtation seemed to be a constant irritation to Grissom, she thought with a smile.

Sara shook her head, wondering why she had been thinking of Greg so much. He was her best friend and she had never seriously considered him as a romantic interest. She supposed it was because he was really the only man who had shown more than a passing interest in her beside Hank. Laughing quietly to herself, Sara stood and stretched the kinks out of her body. Sleeping on the couch was not as comfortable as it used to be. Looking around her, Sara decided what she really needed was to clear her mind. Stop thinking about Grissom, Greg, work, everything – for a while.

The best way to clear her head would be a nice, long run. She started for the bedroom, undressing as she walked. Within twenty minutes she had pulled her hair back, changed into her running clothes and was slipping her key and small billfold into the zipper pocket of her shorts. Sara grabbed her sun glasses off of the counter and opened the front door where she stopped in her tracks.

Sitting on her patio with his feet up on another chair was Gil Grissom. At the sound of the door opening his head came up and he looked right at her. His hair was rumpled as though he had been running his hands through it repeatedly but otherwise looked relaxed and infuriatingly patient. Sara slumped against the door frame, energy leaving her in a rush. "Gil."

She could have kicked herself for using his first name as he smiled slightly at her slip. It sounded petty but she wanted to hurt his feelings in some small way. Straightening, she stepped outside and pulled the door closed behind her.

"What are you still doing here?"

"I wanted to see you. And I would like for us to talk. I decided to wait until you were ready to come out. I didn't expect it to take three hours though," his lips twitched in humor and she nearly smiled before catching herself. She would not smile at him! Not when she was so angry with him.

"Well, I guess that's what happens when you don't call ahead," she said flippantly.

"If I had called would you have agreed to see me?" he countered.

Between gritted teeth she answered, "Probably not."

"Then I guess it's a good thing I just came over." And damn him if he didn't grin at her. Sara shook her head in amazed confusion and sat in the porch chair opposite him.

"I don't understand why you came at all. We haven't spoken in months since you asked for a divorce. You got what you wanted! What could there possibly be to talk about?" Sara could not help but hold her breath while she waited for him to answer.

"That is just the problem, Sara. I didn't get what I wanted. Not even close."

TBC…..


End file.
